I've been meaning to post this...I wrote it in pencil on Dec. 18.
We go in the bathroom for bath time, which we have done every night for 3 years 8 months and 11 days. I start the water just as I always do...Sadie tries to get in fully clothed.
After bath, both girls are dry and we walk the five steps to the "dressing/playroom" which is purposefully used just for that. I spend a few seconds grabbing a diaper, pants, and shirt for Sadie. All the while, Shelbi is putting a wooden puzzle piece in the puzzle. She's been doing puzzles with ease for 4 months.
I pick Sadie up to a stand. Her body is like a rag doll. She doesn't help. I tell her to put her foot in the diaper, then the other foot. I tell her the same way I have told her for 2 1/2 years. Next comes the shirt...put your arm in, put your other arm in...the pants are next. I dress her as if she is a 30 pound baby doll. She shows no attempt at lifting her leg or arms to help this time. I know it's a rare chance that she will even attempt to lift her leg or arm...I'm dressing her the same way I did 1 year ago, 3 years ago, and quite near the same as I dressed her the day she was born. At least this time she didn't fight getting dressed.
I walk out of the gated room to start a load of laundry, which is 5 steps away. This load of laundry, like all the other loads of laundry, is full of Sadie's soiled shirts from the constant drooling and messy eating, and the occasional spitting up. Full of dish towels to clean the food off the table and floor after each of our 3 meals today.
It took about 3 minutes to dress her after her bath and about 2 minutes to load the laundry. I come around the corner to find her naked again, in all her glory...the same in which she was born. The effort, the sore back from bending and dressing her...all gone with no understanding that she has to wear clothes. She is naked.
I decided to write because I feel know one understands Sadie or what it takes to care for her. I get a pencil and notebook that have been sitting on her dresser. The notebook is sitting there because I have weighed and documented her weight since she was a few weeks old. She was and sometimes still is considered "failure to thrive."
As I write my first words, Sadie sits naked at my feet pulling her diaper apart and stuffing the pieces in her mouth. I quickly stop writing and ask her to spit the diaper stuffing out. She pulls the wet piece from her mouth, I quickly grab it. If I'm not fast enough, she will put it back in her mouth. She stands and reaches up for me to hold her like a one year old child does. She will be 4 in April.
I take her under the arms and lift her thinking how much harder and heaver she's getting. I write now and the pencil is in my right hand, her naked butt is on my hip. I have to hold her left hand with my left hand because she keeps grabbing for my notebook and pencil. She doesn't understand that I want her to stop grabbing for it.
Shelbi continues to play 3 feet from me. She is stacking Legos and putting them in the box. She is 17 months old. And she put her underwear on, she is potty trained.
