Lately, I’ve been reading a lot of blogs by other women who have children with disabilities. The more I read, the more I feel like I’m painting a fake coat of paint over my life in my blog. These women are truthful, deep, eloquent in their words about their lives. They say all the things that I want to say, all the things that I blog throughout the day in my head. I’ve been realizing that I always cut the truth short and try to make it a sweet positive picture. I never want to burden anyone with my normal, my reality, my disappointments. I never want to offend anyone, especially the people who I love the most who read this, but truly don’t get Sadie or they are afraid of her, or they are afraid to say anything…say something…After all, the majority of the people I know, simply have nothing to complain about, well besides the insignificant normal issues of parenthood or life. When someone asks about Sadie, I most always reply, she’s great, thanks for asking. But when I read the posts by these total strangers, these foreign bloggers, these yahoo groupers, I feel connected and it feels good to know I’m not alone in my feelings.
It hit me the other day after having a few conversations with my new friends. My new friends who also have children with disabilities, that the dynamics of my old friendships have changed, and I’m the one who changed. I’m the one who doesn’t have the patience to listen to the trivial. I don’t know exactly where I’m going with my post/point here, but I just want to start being real here on this blog. I don’t want to sugar coat it, I want other mothers who might be in the same position as me to feel a connection to me the way I do to them. I never meant to mislead anyone to think that life with Sadie is easy and wonderful all the time. Don’t get me wrong, life is wonderful and I have a lot to be thankful for, but it isn’t the normal that most of my normal friends have. (please don’t hit me with “who is normal”) And this reminds me how thankful I am for the fact that I appreciate everything that Sadie does in her life. Every little utterance, every hug, every kiss, I’m even grateful when Sadie puts her straw cup on the table rather than throw it. Silly to you maybe, but that is a huge accomplishment and testament to her cognitive growth…she reached that milestone, and I love it.
